Can you believe this? People are actually donating money to the U.S. government thinking it will help pay down the $37 TRILLION national debt. Yeah, sure—because your $25 PayPal donation is gonna fix that, right?
Was it P.T. Barnum who said “There’s a sucker born every minute”? Well, apparently, they all have Venmo now. According to reports, the Treasury Department’s “Patriot Fund” (or whatever nonsense name they cooked up) has collected a whopping $64 million in three years. Cue the applause… that’s like throwing a thimble of water on a raging inferno.
And the best part? No one really knows where this money goes. Does it actually lower the debt? Does it even touch the billion-dollar daily interest we rack up? Or will we find out a few years from now that this cash funded tampon machines in foot-washing stations in some obscure U.S.-funded program overseas?
Seriously, what kind of person hits “Donate” on PayPal thinking they’ve saved America? Do they feel righteous, like they’ve single-handedly defeated inflation from their iPhone? These are the same people who probably Venmo their therapist for “climate grief counseling.”
The government doesn’t need your Venmo, folks—they need to STOP SPENDING LIKE DRUNKEN SAILORS (and as a former Marine, even we thought drunken sailors were excessive).
So, if you feel like giving away money, send it to me—I’ll at least buy beer and tell you the truth.
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